Happy Birthday to Sai-yeeeeeeeee!

Today 2 years have passed since the world welcomed you as you breathed your first breath. That day you made me a mommy, and I didn’t know what that word really meant. I remember so clearly the amazingly terrified feeling that rushed over me when I held you for the first time, not believing that you were real. Today I know all too well! Being your mommy today means listening to you call my name repeatedly, 10, 20, 30 times in a row just to tell me hi. It means watching your every move to keep you safe. It is calming your fears and encouraging your endeavors. It means I get to rock you to sleep at night and feel the weight of your little tired body relax and sink into mine. It is being keen to your hunger and your thirst before you have to tell me. It is waking up in the middle of the night to make sure you are still okay and sleeping soundly. It is studying you while you learn something new, to challenge you more and help you to persist. It means hugs and kisses and creative play and singing…lots of singing! It is a collection of moments from hour to hour that test the limits of my patience and stretch the walls of my heart so far and wide I think it may burst with overflowing love for you. This feeling has not changed since those first moments with you.

But what I never could have imagined is how you, my sweet soft itty bitty sleepy little angel that came into this world would, in two short years, become my little girl in all your glory. What I did not know was how you would look to me, how impressionable you would be; in two years you would be my daughter who would hang on to my every word and movement, who would try to breathe and move and walk and talk and sing and bend and be just like me. I did not know that my arrival would be such a momentous event each day. I did not know that a sharp look from me could cause such hurt feelings and inspire tears to well up in your big brown eyes, and that my voice and arms would have such a power to soothe and protect. I could not have known how our connection would be so strong that I would be able to see things through your little eyes and feel your joy and pain before you do.  I did not imagine your amazing creativity and ability to make connections between abstract concepts at this age. I could not have imagined your stubborn determination and your constant curiosity. I didn’t know that you would be able to throw one heck of a tantrum, and that I would be able to handle it. I could not have known you would have a keen sense of humor and a knowing grin that always makes you seem a little older than you actually are.

At age 2, some things have not changed. You are still a terrrrrrible eater, and a terrrrrrrrific sleeper. I don’t know how those two go hand in hand, but you love your crib and you love going to sleep and staying that way. After we read to you each night and sing your lullabye song, you more than willingly scoot right into the very corner of your crib and go right to sleep. And when the birdies wake you up in the morning, you can go a good 30 minutes at least just singing and entertaining yourself. You usually sing ABCs which sounds like this: “ABCDEFG-esh-aah-JKNOP-coo-aah-esh-TU-weeeeeee-double-mommy-Y-and Z….No-aah-no-maah-ABC”….and then it usually trails off to “twinkle twinkle little star” or you screaming “Happy birthday to Sai-yeeeee!” You cannot pronounce the “L” sound in your name yet, and just learned your last name, which you pronounce “OJAKAAAAH.” It is seriously cute. Your ability to know your likes and dislikes at age 1 has evolved into an absolute no way no how will you be convinced to do anything other than what you want to do at any moment. “No Mommy, unh-unh” you say to me, shaking your head in defiance. Seriously cute. Infuriating, but I can’t help but smile.

At this age you are obsessed with relationships. You love your grandparents and aunts and uncles and think of them constantly throughout each day. Because their arrivals are so unpredictable and unexpected for you, you think they may happen at any moment, and each morning you run through the list to ask me who is coming that day. Regardless of my answer, which usually indicates no one is coming, you ask me about every thirty minutes, in the hopes that I may change my answer. You love old picture collages that I created years ago and can entertain yourself pointing out everyone you know and singing songs that incorporate their names (usually to the tune of twinkle-twinkle). You love to run and be chased and wrestle and have tickle fights. You squeal and giggle before anything has even happened in anticipation of all the fun that is about to. I’m so sad to see your baby fat go. At this time last year you had the most awesome chunky fat-creased legs and cheeks so chubby I didn’t know how you held your head up. You are getting skinnier by the day, and at home you are seriously hyper. Walking is hardly an option. Running only for you, my crazy. Or jumping. In public you are well-behaved and cautious, you never run around or away from me. You are observant and caring, and are always concerned about the world around you. You are always noticing other children, and if they are crying you are especially concerned. You love Chewie so much, and will stop play suddenly to go kiss him on his head and pet him for a minute. You are constantly amused by his every move. You laugh and look at me and say “Cheeeeeeeeeewwwwww-ee.” But with the good comes the bad and some days your curiousity turns mean – you try to tie rubber bands around his neck, hit him for no reason at all, and pretend to throw treats in his direction to see his reaction. And poor Chewie just loves you even more.

Your Papa, whose birthday you share today, always talks about the old days, and how time seemed to pass so much slower when I was a little girl. He wonders when and why life got so busy. His sentiment reminds me to step out of this nest and appreciate this time for what it is. Much of life is so distracted with planning and forecasting, wondering and dreaming about the next great thing, and I am guilty of living in the next moment before I have realized this one passing me by. It is natural to me to think and dream and wonder who you will be and how you will be, and constantly worried that what I do now for you will shape how you learn, get along, and grow. What we cannot know and do not know about the little girl you will grow to be is what makes life so marvelous.  The other day I turned to Daddy and said, “These are the best days you know…I don’t think it gets much better than this.” And he looked at you and said “You’re probably right.” This next year will be filled with new endeavors – part-time school, potty training, and other moments I cannot yet imagine and almost don’t want to. The emotion I feel today as I reflect on the past two years is raw and real and I cannot wrap it up neatly. Submerged in the messy, crazy, wonderfully chaotic moments of our daily life, my only wish is that we appreciate this time when you are a terribly terrific two year old whose world revolves around only you and is magical and happy and overly joyous. It should only be that way and no other.

We love you love you love you our little two year old Sailee. Happy birthday to you. 

City girl

Teenager in the making

Who needs a spoon?

Dolled up and ready to party

Ready for a swim!

Naughty girl!

Happy Fathers Day!

This weekend, three things happened. The first was that Sailee turned 23 months. This doesn’t seem like it would be such a big deal to me, but it is. I truly lament that it’s the last time I will be able to speak of her age in months! After she turns two, I don’t think people will put up with me saying she is 26 months, 27 months…I guess I could but the eye rolling will get to me eventually. It’s funny to think back that we used to bake a little cake for each one of Sailee’s month birthdays her first year, and lately, we barely even remember them.

The second was that I concluded my first week of summer vacay with Sailee. We are having so much fun together, not doing anything in particular. We joined a local kiddie gym in our area called Great Play, and we had great fun at our first visit. I am particularly interested in Sailee having these experiences because I can already tell she is a little shy when it comes to playing with other kids. It didn’t help that on our first visit, a tiny bully girl pretended to share play blocks with her and when Sailee reached out to accept the gesture, miss bully snatched it away from Sailee and whacked her across the head with it. Sailee did not flinch or cry. But she was shocked at this kind of unpredictable behavior and buried her face in my chest while the bully’s grandma explained to me that her granddaughter is a bit aggressive. Ummmm, ya think?  I think it’s important for my tiny to have these experiences though, because that’s life. There are just going to be some friends that are a little less nice and a little less consistent with their behavior. And we have to learn to deal with it. Other than that it was just a fantastic week with a lot of playing, a little shopping, and a lot of naps for both mommy and Sailee.

The third was that we celebrated Father’s Day ultra low key with Sailee’s first trip to the pool! We had fun introducing Sailee to swimming, and while she was nervous at first, she got over it pretty quickly and enjoyed a lazy afternoon in the sun, floating and splashing. It helped that we were the only ones at the pool. As she gets older, we will do father’s day for real, with all the great homemade popsicle stick picture frames her daddy and granddads can stand. Until then, we prefer to celebrate these hallmark holidays by appreciating the time we have together and thinking on the people we love that make our lives complete. Sailee is a lucky girl to have such amazing men in her life. Neil, my dad (Papa) and Neil’s dad (Ajoba) are all examples of patience, love, tolerance, humility, and character for her. They are each unique in their own ways and in the way that they love her and interact with her. We are so lucky to have our own dads so close that they get to be a big part of Sailee’s life. It is such a pleasure for us to see our dads become granddads, teach her, love her, and spoil their baby girl the way all grandpas should be able to do. As Sailee grows, I know she will be so appreciative of these relationships and they will surely shape the little girl she turns into.

I cannot say enough about how natural of a dad Neil has been since the first day. Each day, his strength amazes me. He works longer than me, sleeps less than me, and still finds the energy to seize every moment he has with his family. I have never once seen him cranky. Well, there might have been that ooooooone time, probably during law school when he had jumped one too many hoops...But each day, when I am at the end of my rope, he picks up the frayed end and gets me through. He is not easily frazzled. He is calm and happy and his presence always puts people at ease. He is not quick-tempered, nor quick to judge, and when he is insistent, he is usually right. Neil is never demanding, always willing, and perpetually smiling. He works hard and plays hard, and Sailee awaits each evening with cheerful anticipation of his arrival, for the moment that he will walk through the door and whisk her away to an evening of giggles and tickles and games and surprises. Neil is joyful and, as a dad, his Iove is abundant. I love watching his relationship with Sailee grow and so appreciate the father that he is.

Happy Father’s Day!

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Every morning I wake you and wonder why life is so rough. Why do I have to wake you from your sweet baby slumber and force you to take on yet another day, grow another day older, let time whisk you away from my grasp. Each day I leave for work and wonder if it’s really worth it, this time away from you, and risk being late just to run back to steal five more kisses of your soft chubby cheek, hoping they  will keep me from missing you throughout the day. When you were born, I went to work each day recounting the new developments of the night before, as if you were the only baby to ever have ever been a baby ...And as I dreamed out loud of a day when you would be able to this and that, my very wise friend and mother of three warned me, “Don’t wish the time away!”

Oh but I did, I couldn’t help it! As most mothers do, I imagine, I let myself get carried away and dream of the days when you would be able to hug me back, give me kisses, call me Mommy, tell me your preferences…and one by one they came too quickly, these wishes of mine. And before I knew it, there you were, this little miniature person that resembled me in too many ways! And now here I am, wishing you were still my cuddly little squealy chubby baby that could do none of those things. As you have grown we have not been as diligent at taking pictures, recording the memories, realizing the moments as they are passing us by. You are so full of life and there is no picture that could measure your energy and capture the joy you bring to our lives. But I realize the importance of this record. As I look back on the past two years, I realize how much I have forgotten even despite this!

In three days you will be 22 months old. At not quite two, dear girl, you are the queen of all things predictable. You like everything to be in order, in a certain order, and on time. Before we leave the house you remind me to take my keys, my purse, my phone. You will never lose a sock or a shoe because if the strap comes loose you will say “uh-oh shoe” repeatedly with furrowed brow until it is corrected. After I change your diaper each morning you point to your chest and legs remind me that you still need a shirt shirt shirt…and a pant pant pant pant pant until they are securely on you. And then a pin pin pin pin pin for your hair. You are oblivious about nothing. You perform each task with care. If I give you a box of crayons and blank paper, and show you how to color, you prefer to take the crayons out of the box, put them back in, and repeat until the fun is done. You love books and love to be read to. You are already memorizing the words. You sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and your ABCs, and we are still working on improving both. You have realized they are both the same tune and sometimes interject one into the other. You love to do wood puzzles. You have 4 or 5 and after you mastered and became bored with the animal, number, and shape puzzles, we bought you an alphabet puzzle. Thinking with 26 pieces it would take you 3 or 4 weeks to get used to it, but you mastered it after 3 attempts and that took 2 days. You still love it and ask for it first when you get home each day. But now, to make things more fun, you put the pieces in the wrong places on purpose just so you can look at me and yell “NOOOoooooo”  and then laugh and put them in the right place.

You LOVE going outside, being outside, and if we would let you, you would live outside. Each day you ask me, “Mommy? Chewie outside?” and if I say “No Sailee it’s not time for Chewie to go outside…” you try again with “Mommy? Sailee outside?” with raised and hopeful eyebrows. And there’s nothing out there. No playset or gym or anything of the sort yet. I fear if I buy one, you may never come back in! You are obsessed with shoes, the putting on of shoes, the taking off of shoes, and the putting away of shoes, the whole process. You can be trusted to put your shoes away neatly in the closet and close the door, every time, without fail. You take much pride in this task. In the past 3 months, you have just developed this little persona that is so distinct, we are amazed at your growth. In just a couple of months, you are going to turn two like it’s nothing, like you’ve been doing two all along. You already have the Happy Birthday song down and are ready to belt it out.

Happy Mother’s Day to me.  I am so privileged to be your Mommy. I did wish the time away but I have to say, I feel like dancing every time I hear you call my name, every time you run in to my arms for a huggie, every evening you grin at me your cheeky soapy grin at bath time and cuddle in my arms at night. There is nothing better than this feeling and no love greater than this.  There is no one in the world I would rather be than your Mommy, and having this honorable title means knowing that everything in my life up to this point prepared me for this and everything I do from now on is with you in mind. I love you immensely my sweet baby girl and know that for every Mother’s Day going forward, I don’t need a gift. You are my gift and I just need time with you by my side, your love, and sweet smile. Happy Mother’s Day to me.

A home of our own

We've been waiting a long time for this. For about 10 years Neil and I have said to each other that when we finally get into a home will be able to... On February 2, we finally closed on our very first home. Despite the swell of emotions and excitement I felt at that time, amidst the packing and the chaos I had  no time to write a real blog entry, nor could I find the energy to capture last moments of us in that old dear house, as much as I wanted to.

The last couple of months have been stressful, to say the least. With our house closing delayed twice, and our life packed up into boxes for too long, we had to take it one excruciating day at at time and hold faith that the day would come and it would actually happen .For about 2 months, the boxes took up half the house, and as each piled on top of the other and little by little accumulated most of our living space, so did my stress level rise up to new heights at trying to manage it all while still keeping Sailee safe.  When you're in the middle of a move, no longer does babyproofing exist!

This move brought to mind so many thoughts about life and how we fill it. Every box I neatly packed
and labeled made me wonder why we have so many things! After all these years together, through so many moves and so many purges, how is it that we still have and need all of these things? The truth is that we dont, and over time, I hope that we can continue to work to simplify our lives, clear the clutter, and leave more room for the things that truly matter. This house should become a home to us, not because of the tangible items we will surely fill it with, but rather by the moments that connect us to it.
Sailee turned 18 months on January 16th, and none of this phased her a bit. She just maneuvered around and through and under and over and kept up all the usual games, and even invented new ones. Hide and seek took on a new level of thrill. At 18 months, Sailee is the same age that I was when my parents moved into that old house. She has taken to this new  house as though she has been here forever, and with abundant new and spaces to explore, she is loving every square inch.

Already we are enjoying the increased space, and especially Sailee's booming voice that has taken on a new sound between these walls. Her vocabulary is exploding!. She approaches new words with a casual flair as though she has just always been that smart and maybe we just didnt realize it. I celebrate every little one, and she just looks at me like, "what's the big deal mom?" Her new words include open, shoe, up, down, book, Chewie, Daddy, Aaji (Marathi for grandma), home, and phone....and probably many more that I cannot even recall. The most hilarious out of her new repertoire is her version of Chewie, which mostly sounds like "toy" or "taowee." We also get overly excited about her use of words within context, and some small phrases. She will consistently say "Hi Mom," "Bye Daddy," "Chewie, NO!" and more recently, has started to say "Daddy home" when she hears the garage door, right before she goes into a fit of sheer squealy joy.

Sailee's just a sponge these days, and  as she too quickly approaches age 2, her new developments are causing me each growing day to seek more balance in my life. I yearn to be there with her more, to teach her more, and to be a bigger part of her interests and her awareness of her world, to play more, be less tired, have more energy and dedicated time just for her. She deserves that, and I do too. I continue to dream of different ways to structure my life to have more of that, and have no real solutions just yet, but the wheels are turning!

We're having a lot of fun. Life is good. I've gotten to be really bad at taking pictures lately, in fact I still cant remember where we packed the cameras, despite Neil's nerdy organizational scheme for labeling our boxes that looked like an algebraic equation! So I have resorted to using my cell phone exclusively, which makes for some pretty bad pictures...

Here are some recent pictures of our little fam...




Sailee in downward dog, in the old house

 

A rare still pose



Neil uber ready to sign those closing docs

Key to our new place!

Our new home



Sailee beaming in front of her new front door



Checking out the fireplace



One day we will wish she stayed this small



Loving the new backyard with so much space to run and play!



Chewie's pretty happy with his new digs



Ballet classes may be in our future



We need to get this girl her own chair, she pulled this old infant bouncer out of the donate pile for herself!



My two little Valentines