Growing up I remember feeling on each December 31st
that it could not be true that the year had passed and was over, and never felt
quite ready to embrace the unfamiliar last digit of the new year. Today is not
much different. Could it be that it is really the last day of 2011? It is with
such great pleasure and joy that I reflect on this past year. We have been
blessed with so much, and at the same time I know that I could not and did not
appreciate each day as it played out.
This year Sailee started the year as a 6 month old baby that hated tummy
time and ended it as a spunky little toddler with so much personality a picture
just cannot capture. In fact, as I look back at my blog post from one year ago (http://ozarkarfamily.blogspot.com/2010/12/holiday-magic.html), I barely recognize the chubby little nugget that I bounced on my lap.
As so much has changed over the course of the year - jobs, routines, expectations - some things stay the same. Sailee is still a great sleeper, a poor eater, and the squeal is still her expression of choice when she is really excited. Her hair is still curly when wet and dries straight and, because of its mass and volume, everyone still thinks she is way older than her actual age. She still adores Chewie and loves being thrown around in the air and upside down. She is still all smiles when we walk through the door and lights up the room with her loud laugh. And her needs and desires still, if not more than ever, dominate our every thought and move.
Over the course of this year Sailee has grown into a miniature person with her own inclinations. The one word that has really defined our daily undertakings is "NO" - it is such a remarkable and powerful word, and I continue to be amazed at how my little baby ever perceived the concept of choice, how she learned that word, and learned how to use it correctly within context to steer circumstances to her favor. Sailee uses it to her heart's delight to inform us of her right to choose what she wants to do. We have noticed she understands more than we give her credit for, and because we speak to her in two languages simultaneously throughout the day, we predict that she may be slower to form sentences herself. So far, Mama, Dada, Ba Ba (for Chewie's bark), Uh-oh, No, Boy, Girl (which often she prounces "goy"), Gaga (as in Lady...), PaPa (what she calls my dad), Kaka (Marathi for uncle), Bapa (Marathi for God), Memo (Elmo), Mine, and Bubble are the words that dominate Sailee's vocabulary. Compared to other children, we have noticed that she is first observant and then careful about picking her choices. She is bright and intuitive, loving and caring, sweet and friendly. At home she loves to run and be chased (I'm-Gonna-Get-You is our daily game that causes her to shriek with delight). And she loves music as her ponytails go bopping from side to side every time she hears a tune. More recently, my little independent, who used to push away hugs, has become much more cuddly and enjoys tucking her cheek into my neck as I hold her tight. She has a growing consciousness of our comings and goings and is starting to develop the fear of actions and consequences. But she is a happy kid, and an easy kid. I dont know how I got so lucky, but as she grows so does my own consciousness that I am surely blessed.
In a few weeks we will be leaving our cozy little abode where I grew up and where Chewie was adopted and Sailee was born, the place we have called home for the last three life-changing years, to inhabit a new home that we can call our own. Every day as I walk through this little house that I know Sailee will barely remember, I am filled with the memories of all the years past and wonder how it would be possible that anyone else would ever touch these walls and call this place home. I can only imagine it as mine, but as the time moves on so must I allow for my tightly woven bond to loosen to make room for new memories in new places. This house, despite its age, has been so good to us, and for it I am most thankful.
I close this year by saying that there are times I really take to heart the fact that we just dont do as much as we possibly could. At the end of every night, I fall asleep thinking of all the things I wish I could have gotten done that day, or the experiences I wish we could make more time to engage in. But there is only so much of me to carry through the roles I have chosen. As a full-time mother, wife, daughter, friend, and counselor, I know that on some days, my full-time jobs look more like part time efforts. And I am sure that Neil feels the same way. There is a growing consciousness of an untapped spirit within both of us that longs to be always available, always loving, always giving, always tolerant and patient, always relaxed, always happy and peaceful, always inquisitive and learning. We talk of it and we desire to be models of these qualities for our children. But on any given day, sometimes these qualities play out as a part-time effort as well. Many times we are snappy, or lazy, we dont choose our words and actions carefully, we eat too much, we procrastinate, we indulge to much, we waste time, we spend too much, we think too little, we are easily tempted, we talk more and listen less. If we could we would and should get outdoors more, make sure Chewie gets enough walks, talk with each other more, appreciate each day more, give more of ourselves to serve others and to good causes, organize more, budget more, recycle more, cook more, plan more, think more, learn more. I want Sailee to grow with creativity and energy, to be healthy and be inspired to know that all things are possible and not be weighed down by the fears and limitations we impose on ourselves through unhealthy and cyclical patterns. To set an example for her, in the coming year as we settle into a new home and readjust our life into new pockets, I hope to be able to engage that untapped spirit within us and turn the if-we-could-we-would into a we-should-and-we-did.
I would be remiss if I did not give thanks. I am so thankful to God for this year of growth and change and for giving me a sound mind and body to challenge myself and take on each day. I am thankful for unearned privileges that I am the product of and have always benefited from. I am thankful for the constant love and support of our friends and families that guide our decisions and help us navigate through life. I am thankful to you if you actually read this blog. I am thankful for Chewie for his loyal and unwavering love and companionship, and for his patience with his curious and mischievous little sister. I am thankful to my happy and hardworking husband who makes all things possible, who is an awe-inspiring daddy, and who loves me more than I give him credit for. And mostly, to Sailee, who brings unexplainable and immense joy to my every moment of every day and has taught me true unconditional love.
Happy New Year with love and gratitude.
As so much has changed over the course of the year - jobs, routines, expectations - some things stay the same. Sailee is still a great sleeper, a poor eater, and the squeal is still her expression of choice when she is really excited. Her hair is still curly when wet and dries straight and, because of its mass and volume, everyone still thinks she is way older than her actual age. She still adores Chewie and loves being thrown around in the air and upside down. She is still all smiles when we walk through the door and lights up the room with her loud laugh. And her needs and desires still, if not more than ever, dominate our every thought and move.
Over the course of this year Sailee has grown into a miniature person with her own inclinations. The one word that has really defined our daily undertakings is "NO" - it is such a remarkable and powerful word, and I continue to be amazed at how my little baby ever perceived the concept of choice, how she learned that word, and learned how to use it correctly within context to steer circumstances to her favor. Sailee uses it to her heart's delight to inform us of her right to choose what she wants to do. We have noticed she understands more than we give her credit for, and because we speak to her in two languages simultaneously throughout the day, we predict that she may be slower to form sentences herself. So far, Mama, Dada, Ba Ba (for Chewie's bark), Uh-oh, No, Boy, Girl (which often she prounces "goy"), Gaga (as in Lady...), PaPa (what she calls my dad), Kaka (Marathi for uncle), Bapa (Marathi for God), Memo (Elmo), Mine, and Bubble are the words that dominate Sailee's vocabulary. Compared to other children, we have noticed that she is first observant and then careful about picking her choices. She is bright and intuitive, loving and caring, sweet and friendly. At home she loves to run and be chased (I'm-Gonna-Get-You is our daily game that causes her to shriek with delight). And she loves music as her ponytails go bopping from side to side every time she hears a tune. More recently, my little independent, who used to push away hugs, has become much more cuddly and enjoys tucking her cheek into my neck as I hold her tight. She has a growing consciousness of our comings and goings and is starting to develop the fear of actions and consequences. But she is a happy kid, and an easy kid. I dont know how I got so lucky, but as she grows so does my own consciousness that I am surely blessed.
In a few weeks we will be leaving our cozy little abode where I grew up and where Chewie was adopted and Sailee was born, the place we have called home for the last three life-changing years, to inhabit a new home that we can call our own. Every day as I walk through this little house that I know Sailee will barely remember, I am filled with the memories of all the years past and wonder how it would be possible that anyone else would ever touch these walls and call this place home. I can only imagine it as mine, but as the time moves on so must I allow for my tightly woven bond to loosen to make room for new memories in new places. This house, despite its age, has been so good to us, and for it I am most thankful.
I close this year by saying that there are times I really take to heart the fact that we just dont do as much as we possibly could. At the end of every night, I fall asleep thinking of all the things I wish I could have gotten done that day, or the experiences I wish we could make more time to engage in. But there is only so much of me to carry through the roles I have chosen. As a full-time mother, wife, daughter, friend, and counselor, I know that on some days, my full-time jobs look more like part time efforts. And I am sure that Neil feels the same way. There is a growing consciousness of an untapped spirit within both of us that longs to be always available, always loving, always giving, always tolerant and patient, always relaxed, always happy and peaceful, always inquisitive and learning. We talk of it and we desire to be models of these qualities for our children. But on any given day, sometimes these qualities play out as a part-time effort as well. Many times we are snappy, or lazy, we dont choose our words and actions carefully, we eat too much, we procrastinate, we indulge to much, we waste time, we spend too much, we think too little, we are easily tempted, we talk more and listen less. If we could we would and should get outdoors more, make sure Chewie gets enough walks, talk with each other more, appreciate each day more, give more of ourselves to serve others and to good causes, organize more, budget more, recycle more, cook more, plan more, think more, learn more. I want Sailee to grow with creativity and energy, to be healthy and be inspired to know that all things are possible and not be weighed down by the fears and limitations we impose on ourselves through unhealthy and cyclical patterns. To set an example for her, in the coming year as we settle into a new home and readjust our life into new pockets, I hope to be able to engage that untapped spirit within us and turn the if-we-could-we-would into a we-should-and-we-did.
I would be remiss if I did not give thanks. I am so thankful to God for this year of growth and change and for giving me a sound mind and body to challenge myself and take on each day. I am thankful for unearned privileges that I am the product of and have always benefited from. I am thankful for the constant love and support of our friends and families that guide our decisions and help us navigate through life. I am thankful to you if you actually read this blog. I am thankful for Chewie for his loyal and unwavering love and companionship, and for his patience with his curious and mischievous little sister. I am thankful to my happy and hardworking husband who makes all things possible, who is an awe-inspiring daddy, and who loves me more than I give him credit for. And mostly, to Sailee, who brings unexplainable and immense joy to my every moment of every day and has taught me true unconditional love.
Happy New Year with love and gratitude.
A year in pictures:
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| 1/1/2011 |
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| 2/19/2011 |
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| 2/25/2011 |
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| 3/16/2011 |
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| 4/16/2011 |
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| 5/14/2011 |
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| 6/15/2011 |
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| 7/31/2011 - Sailee's 1st bday party |
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| 8/19/2011 |
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| 9/23/2011 |
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| 10/14/2011 |
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| 10/31/2011 |
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| 12/1/2011 |
Recent images of Sailee:
I love you guys and I miss y'all so much. As always, reading this had me tearing up. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts and your thankfulness and for sharing your life and earned wisdom with all of us. You're an awesome lady!