THE STORY OF US: Moving, grooving, and growing!

The other day I saw a commercial for some Johnson's lavender soothing baby wash and took notice of how leisurely the mother was bathing her blissful baby, and found myself wondering if anyone else's life really looks like that, because truthfully, before I had one, that was exactly what I pictured having a baby to be! Our bathtime is anything but leisurely, luxurious, or blissful, and is usually driven by my anxiety over how late in the evening it's getting and how quickly I need to get Sailee moving along to bed. Tonight while Sailee and I were in our nightly bath routine of fighting to get shampoo in her hair and wrestling to scrub the oatmeal off her face, I noticed that she was especially curious about my handful of soapy shampoo. She put her hand in mine began to explore the bubbles, trying to grab them with her hand and pulling them apart. I dotted bubbles on her nose and chin and all over her feet and for a moment she turned her frown upside down and looked up at me with wonder and glee. And I just stopped and stepped outside of myself for a minute, realizing that lately there are too few of these moments where we just take the time to pause and breath and appreciate the gloriousness of simple things in life.

There are too many of these trade offs. As working parents, we are always desperate to pinch a little time away from what we need to be doing to do more of what we want to be doing. Right now I am supposed to be washing bottles. We go through the motions day to day, week to week, and it's so difficult to keep up with her growth and celebrate all these little moments. I think this is why parents often feel like they blink and 10 years have passed yet the vivid memories of that little one's birth are still so salient, because there are just too few of those moments that we can fully take the time to savor. Despite how much Sailee has grown, in my mind I still see the same baby as she was a year ago at only 3 months old. Around this time last year I was preparing to return to work from maternity leave, and I think I feel more intensely now the feelings that I was starting to develop then about having to trade in my fantasy of spending every moment watching my little miracle breathe in and breathe out for the reality of working, earning, producing. Trading intangibles for tangibles.

Sailee now at 15 months has an incredible sense of humor and is even demonstrating some self control. With four teeth and a proud toothy grin, she loves exploring new sounds roll off her tongue but isn't too brave with them yet. When she hears a new sound, she spends a lot of time trying to internalize it before she tries it out. She is a different baby at home versus in public. Outside she is more quiet and reserved and observant, and in the home she is boisterous, commanding, and funny. She walks around with my purse and tries on Neil's shoes. She also really enjoys bringing us our shoes, and we haven't been able to quite figure out why. She loves loves loves to run and be chased, particularly by her Daddy, and has already picked up on hide and seek. With him she is thrill seeking, and excitedly awaits his arrival each day for the hope that he will try out a way to throw her into the air and upside down and around. She and Chew have not quite figured out yet how to play, and our poor little guy continues to be quite cautious of her unpredictability and whims. Sailee is not a great eater, and is usually more skeptical than excited about new foods. The apple doesn't fall far....and probably the best thing about being in her high chair is not what's on the tray, but getting to watch "America's Funniest Home Videos," which proves to be Sailee's favorite show as she simply cannot get enough of general silliness that involves animals and babies. That, and swaying to whichever song turns up on the latest Subaru commercial. Sailee absolutely loves music, and loves moving to it, swaying, rocking, turning, bouncing.. If she hears the slightest inclination of a tune even from a distance, our Sailee's rockin' out!

There are too many firsts to list, each one bittersweet, and I don't do nearly a good enough job of remembering them, taking note, or capturing pictures and videos. But we recently survived our first ear infection and shortly thereafter our first round of the whole family concurrently sick, our first flight - which unfortunately straddled the ear infection and illnesses, and our first groundbreaking of our first house. I truly wish I could have a little more time to reflect on each of these little firsts and every night fall asleep to the same thoughts - Cant I have one more hour with her? Will she ever grow out of her size 3 diaper? Cant the weekend be a little longer so we can play more? Will she always need me to put her to sleep? Cant she stay this little forever? Cant we start this year all over again? Will she always want to give me kisses and hold my finger? And I wont admit it yet, but I know the answers.